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November 25, 2012

I want to run away.  Leave, and never come back.

I have given up.  I started drinking again, after 18 months of abstinence.  Abstaining is actually very easy for me to maintain, unlike some people who struggle daily not to drink.  But one day, I just thought, what’s the point?  Who really cares?  Not my family.  Not my partner.  Not my support group.  

My life feels so devoid of joy and fun.  At least if I drink I can change my mental state. 

So I have been drinking.  Not getting crazy drunk or anything, but definitely too much.

I think I’ve finished with it now.  Dunno.  But I have needed the escape from this pointless monotony.  I’m sick of being the person who doesn’t count.  I’m tired of desperately trying to make myself feel better.

I hate being so unimportant.


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